By Eric Turner
Ever have anybody tell you to just “get over it”?
What an awful thing to hear.
Those words kind of put the ball in our court though, don’t they? Like it’s our fault that we’re hurting, and now we have to somehow scrape ourselves together, because we have this daunting task of “getting over it”.
Well, no matter how tough it can be, we can get over it.
This stuff can apply to a loss of job, a circumstance/opportunity, relationship, or anything else that you just need to get over. Yes, even when you go to the freezer and realize that someone left the empty ice cream container in there. How rude. Okay, maybe I don’t have advice for that.
If you’re feeling betrayed, hurt, or lost, you have to be able to deploy a few things to help you climb out of that “death” hole. Yes, I’m calling it a death hole because of the detrimental effects that these characteristics have on your mental health.
One of the things that continues to hold you in that death hole, is bitterness. This can single-handedly wreck your plans of getting it together. A surefire way to get over bitterness:
You have to genuinely and willingly forgive if you want a chance at getting out of this death hole. Look, I quit a job once for what I thought was a better opportunity, but it wasn’t. It was terrible. I didn’t feel I was treated right and I didn’t feel that I had proper training. I lasted about a month.
If you were to ask me about that experience now, I’d obviously still be honest about the situation. I felt unequipped for the job, and I felt that I lacked the administrative supports I needed.
That doesn’t mean that I hang onto that bitterness that I used to feel, though. A huge part of me being able to move on was my ability to humble myself and learn from the situation. For a while, I was frustrated, confused, and even questioned the field I entered into.
It wasn’t until I got another job that I was able to recognize what I’d learned from that experience. I was able to adapt to the new job more quickly, as well as apply the lessons I’d gained to prepare my mind for the learning curve.
Forgiveness played a big part of that. Instead of viewing that employment opportunity as a waste of time that was detrimental to my career, I began to become thankful for the opportunity of growth that it presented. I realized that life isn’t always fun, and not everyone is going to think I’m amazing, and really, that’s okay.
I forgave the situation in my heart and I now look at that time in that position as a turning point. One that was actually instrumental to my career growth, not detriment.
When you allow yourself the room to forgive that person, situation, or circumstance, you’ll begin to see some of the positive outcomes that it has provided.
Have you ever been catching up with a friend and they just drop this crazy situation that happened to them like a month ago, that you now need to know more about?
Maybe you haven’t chatted with your friend in a while and you’re just so interested now, that you need to hear the rest of the story — you’re curious.
Apply that feeling to whatever situation you’re trying to get over.
Maybe somebody ended a relationship with you, and you’re trying to pick up the pieces. You go through the cycle of doubt, confusion, anger, and probably some hatred.
Something that can help you push aside the cycle of negativity is remaining curious about why the other person ended it. No, this isn’t the curious obsession, where you speculate about all the things that could be going on. I’m referring to remaining curious about the other person’s needs.
Simply ask yourself honestly, “I wonder why they did that. What could be going on in their life that they needed this separation?”
This keeps you curious about their situation and what their needs might be. It takes the focus off of yourself, which is an important part in the “getting over” process, as it allows you to forgive more easily.
Spend time with your friends and family
Our support systems play an integral role in helping us grow and handle the difficulties that life throws our way.
When you’re hurting, it’s so important not to withdraw. Don’t go home by yourself, sit on your bed, and watch Netflix for 8 hours. You need other people during this process.
Invite someone over, meet a friend for coffee, or make a phone call. Do something to break up the routine so that you can stop thinking about the situation. Dwelling on something never makes the situation better.
Dwelling causes an internal anxiety that is not easily broken. Sitting at home alone, when you need someone to just distract your attention, is a great way to waste away a night with worry.
My personal recommendation would be to play a board game with a few people. It might sound funny, but when your brain has to focus on some strategy to win a competition, it really forces out anxiety that has built up over time.
There will be a time to be alone, and you will probably go through some resentment, anxiety, and anger, but it’s not healthy to seek out that experience. You don’t have to bury yourself in your circumstance and soldier though it.
That’s a really tough way to get over it.
Honestly, if you can forgive people, remain curious about their position in the situation, and spend time with your friends and family, you will be well on your way to healing.
You’ll have your lapses of strength. But, vulnerability is where we’re stretched beyond our means. Like a muscle, once we’re stretched to that place, it becomes easier to live there.
After a while, what was once uncomfortable, becomes our new “comfort zone”.
And then when the circumstance tells you to “get over it” again, you’ll have what it takes to tackle it emotionally, physically, and mentally.