By Alessandro Carosi
The first time I left Italy to travel alone I was 18 to Spain and I would come back with the seeds of change within myself, we would never think that one week could turn our lives upside down but in some case it can happen.
I was excited and scared for this adventure cause I was used to to travel alone but always within Italy but this time I would go to an other country that would speak an other language, Spanish, it was similar to Italian and if they would speak slowly I could understand but it was a completely new environment where I knew nothing, I booked the flight and hotel through a travel agency that would rip me off but we learn form making mistakes and mine costed me almost 2000 euro, I would spend New Year Eve in Madrid and fly back home the day after, the first two days was great and everything went accord to plan sightseeing the city and local bars till the third day…..then everything took a new direction where the adventures I was looking for found me.
Italy is such a great country but great in its disorganisation also, my bank assured me that my credit card would allowed me to withdraw money anywhere in Europe and obviously didn’t, running low of cash I decided to withdraw some more just to find out that I couldn’t, panic was the lighter emotion the worst was running around Madrid trying to figure out why the card didn’t work, we are talking about a time where smartphones didn’t exist so to find those banks I needed to ask directions to random people on the street, that’s where the fun part begun, to put beforehand that I didn’t speak English or Spanish so to everyone I asked for help I had to use a mix of Italian spoke really slow, gestures and showing my huge map so to be pointed where to go, after visiting two banks at finally I was redirected to the Italian branch of an Italian one only to discover that in Italy they made a mistake and there was no way I could use my credit card to withdraw cash but I was advised to use western union, a worldwide financial services where my mother could transfer me the money I needed to continue my holiday, only problem was that I would not receive it before a couple of days and I had no more cash to buy food, sad and depressed I went back to the hotel starving, I can’t remember how I did communicate with the receptionist but I was able to explain my situation and incredulous the kind guy sneaked in in the hotel kitchen coming back with a bag full of food, God bless him, I would love to know where he is now and what he does, I wouldn’t be surprise if one day I would meet him again somewhere around the world, the food was enough to keep me alive for the next couple of days till at finally I got the money.
That night to celebrate I went at the famous ”Teatro Kapital” the most popular nightclub in Madrid, there a meeting with a transexual would plant the seed within my soul that slowly would turn me away from the Roman Catholic Church, I was dancing when I met this beautiful girl, long hairs wearing a tight long dress, the music was loud and I was drunk and after few minutes dancing together we begun to kiss, she was so sexy and I was so horny but then touching between her legs I realised she had a hard cock, yes she was a guy, I wasn’t prepared, it was the first time for me and didn’t know how to react, I didn’t wanna be rude and run away so I kept kissing and dancing with her a bit longer and then with the excuse that I needed to go to the bathroom I left the club, that episode was a catalyst that would start a spiral of questions about religions that would slowly change the way I have been look at life till that moment, back home I begun questioning the fact that which God would make you born Gay but then punishing for being one ? so for other things like sexual instincts, the need to masturbate and so on, Why a God that is able to create the Universe and see everything needs a Church to go to pray ? Won’t see me pray even if I’m at home ? Why a God that cares so much about kindness cares about how we dress ? Why a God that can create humans with related different personalities that are shaped from circumstances out of our control, would send us to hell for the rest of our lives if we misbehaved ? God gave me a Junkie family, a poor country, a dangerous suburb and I grew up as a criminal cause life circumstances gave me no choice and no alternatives but still God will send me to hell for the rest of my life, slowly I begun to realise that isn’t God that want this but human beings does, we created religions, we created the various Gods, we gave Them human behaviours, after few years there wasn’t anymore space in my life for the Church, Jesus, God, at least the one offered me by the Roman Catholic, that simple Kiss to a Transgender triggered one of the biggest changes in my life, a change that brought me to realise that we aren’t labels, that Love doesn’t have gender.
That trip in Madrid brought me also the first of then many others Synchronicities that have been a sort of my life signature, it was New Year Eve and midnight brought the beginning of a new season, I was celebrating it in Plaza Mayor when I heard someone call my name, I turned around to look at who it was and an other Alessandro an old mate from high school was there with his friends for the night, I was so surprise to see him there I couldn’t believe how small the world was…….but it was even harder to believe that I would meet him again one year later in Amsterdan just coming out from the train station and again to celebrate New Year Eve, but what triggered an other big change within myself would be when one year and half later from our last meeting in the Nederlands he would looking for me in town to tell me just few months before I was leaving to Australia that he have been there for a year and by ”coincidence” ended up working for an Italian farmer in Queensland that happened, this wonderful word ”happened” to be my Father’s cousin as well as his best friend, I didn’t know about him but this info would help me to chose the town to work in the farms I needed to renew my working holiday visa after one year, working for my Uncle that would recommend me to live in his friend’s hostel got me the chance to meet Kaori my first love that would stir my life in the right direction.
Life will always present a crossroad at some point and once chosen can’t be reversed but who present them to us ? Who decide it ? There are so many theories and who knows which is the right one, maybe all of them.
I like to believe that life is shaped by our feelings and emotions but at time is hard to believe it, all I know is that the only choice I can make is to focus only to the feeling of LOVE whatever circumstances life is throwing toward me.