By Alessandro Carosi
We call Mother, Brother, Father who is related by blood to someone but no one teach you that isn’t blood what tied you to someone but is something higher then that, by what we call DNA I have a Mother and a Brother but I feel nothing for them, there is no emotions involved, no feelings, nothing, they have been strangers to me all my life and as much I tried to create some sort of connections nothing come out of it merely because they were the ones to refuse it, my father died when I was 10 so I barely know him, my Mother to busy to keep everything and everyone alive with food and a roof on our head to develop some sort of relationship and only chance we had she haven’t been able to take it, what I call brother is more stranger to me then the people I met on the street, the parody is that I live together with him and for a while with his ex wife and daughter, they left and soon I will leave, you can’t give Love to someone that doesn’t want it and is busier to kill himself dragging down everyone on his way, I see family United like best friends and dreamed to be the same, I dreamed to talk to my Mum about my problems, my success, my failures and learning but in all my life all we talked about was about Herself and how miserable her life have been without to mention that in her misery she dragged me as well unaware of it and no chance that she could understand it, I try to look after her in the best way I can even if I call Mum someone that is such a stranger to me, I wished to develop some friendship with the person I call brother in this lifetime but his self destructive behaviour made me hate him and more time pass by and more I hate him, his selfishness, his immaturity and dishonesty, I Dreamed we could be close and talk to him, playing with my Niece and have dinner together laughing about life but again he Ruined everything as my Mother did, he is on her same miserable path and nothing I can do, just looking at him slowly dying, soon I will leave him as his wife did.
I call him brother but I’m not his brother, to be brothers is more then blood, brothers is matter of energy, spiritual energy, you can be Brother to someone you met somewhere else cause there is a connection that unite you.
I want to call my brother, Brother but he is the one that doesn’t want it, he is an acquaintance, someone I lived together, a Flatmate, that what he is, a Flatmate, I can’t call him more then that cause that’s what he wants, it is time for me to move on, which is the point for me to stay, is pointless and he is doing all he can to destroy me as he is doing with his life, I have faith thst one day I can call my Mother, Mother with Love and not like a diplomat using politically correct words, I have faith that one day I can call my brother, Brother, with Love.
How long is gonna take, how many more tears, upsetting and disappointing moments is gonna take? Who knows, I’m not in control of this, I can only observe it like an observer till I Die and this lifetime will be over.
Family isn’t blood, it is more then that, is about energy, spiritual energy.