By Alessandro Carosi
I’m sharing this post to remind everyone that the people you think are trying to save your life are the same people that doesn’t give a fuck about your life.
My dear friend Eva La Rossa died one month later after writing this post.
“I never thought I would find myself thinking about how to do this and have my hands tied.
You see, life is really bizarre, for years everything goes well, you get fulfilled, you have a good job, a good salary, you rent or buy the house of your dreams, you save….
In short, all the things that open the door to a peaceful and seemingly tranquil future.
Then boom… out of the blue the paper-thin reality on which you based your certainties suddenly collapses and your routine is upset without you even having time to realize what is happening.
Never before have I felt as scared as I do right now… but not because of the virus itself, but because of everything it’s causing.
Many of you know my hard battle that has lasted for 2 years, I already decided not to run away and I stayed here for the entire course of the disease including relapse.
It was a very hard decision, but it turned out to be a good one, since we are really helped in everything.
Apparently now it is no longer up to us, and I say “us” speaking for all patients with any kind of pathology in progress, since we automatically end up in group B or C.
What a bizarre thing this is, you fight so hard physically and mentally until the call comes from the oncology team and they rip away that shred of therapeutic certainty that you know is keeping you alive.
Yes, the people who until the day before have been supporting you in everything now have to be the ones suspending your chemotherapy and radiotherapy because the emergency is coming here too and they cannot put you at further risk than you already are.
You see, to be told that in case of contagion and need for a respirator given my situation I would not even be considered is something surreal.
And once again I want to invite you to reflect on the fact that we really are nothing in front of destiny and life… the certainties we build for ourselves are just a pretext for illusion.
Appreciate what you have and stop complaining about anything and bring out your dignity.
These days I hear people say… eh, lucky you that you get benefits and don’t risk your job with all that there is to pay….
I have something much bigger at stake than a job and a salary and personally money is worth less than nothing in certain situations.
I don’t know how it will go honestly… without treatment there is a likelihood of a galloping worsening but unfortunately just being optimistic this time doesn’t help.
Protect yourselves as much as you can, stay home and avoid contact.
If they threaten to fire you, be patient, a solution will be found.
Life cannot be compared to money and duty.
Something is coming that no one knows how to handle and you need to fucking protect yourself!
Memoirs from a B life.”