By Alessandro Carosi
The thin line between joy and sadness is really matter of seconds sometime, a bad period can turn around to be heaven on earth but same as happy times turning around in nightmares, what can we control then ? Some philosophers believes that our emotions are in charge of the external reality and at times feels like this but other times I feel out of control, some other philosophers says that is true we change the outside reality based of what we feel within but sometime to reach that state of happiness we need to let pass through sadness.
Yesterday was one of those days where that line between happiness and sadness changed in a matter of seconds, I was walking on the beautiful cliffs of Seven Sisters in Sussex, weather was amazing and the scenery reminded me of New Zealand, in my head happy ending stories with one of my ex girlfriends and everything felt heaven on Earth, I was having a great time …… then one thought, just one thought changed everything, my brother that didn’t msg me back about some important informations, especially about a meeting over the phone at 7:00pm, thoughts about my brother unreliability transformed my mood, from light to heavy and soon after anger, frustration, hate replaced everything, that serene thoughts about my ex and laughs we had become a loud shout against my brother, my enemy, I created stories where I would take a revenge and make him pay the price for his immaturity, then anger changed in sadness, why me? What I did to deserve this ? What if……I just fucking jump from the cliff and conclude this journey, in my head scenes of my suicide took place in different ways and envisioned how people would react, something compelled me to look on my right side and a dead rabbit close to the edge of the cliff and a horrible sensation felt like a sign that I had to replace those heavy emotions, few meters ahead a lady overlooking down from the edge of the cliff and his friend or maybe boyfriend holding her legs is something scary so as a joke I told her to don’t kill herself but the answer was that they were searching for someone that might have did it, then I noticed a backpack, a jumper and jacket fold tidy on top of each other and a bottle of water, way to close to somewhere it shouldn’t be, they told me that it have been there for a while but nobody come back to pick it up, bad sign, I took the backpack in search of the wallet and phone and noticed next to the bottle of water a circle made out of little stones, in the middle piled up a bunch of coins, I opened the bag, phone and wallet was inside, two notebooks where she could have wrote her last sentences before to jump, notes about an artist and then in the other notebook notes about an app to help people with mental health issues, in one page a scheme with on the top written “mental disorders” then branches reaching other mental issues like schizophrenia, anxiety, depression.
All signs that she could suffer of some of those problems and that maybe she wanted to create something to help others, we called the police and they climbed down the cliff, there was a body and probably was her, we found in her wallet an Oyster card from London stating that she was between 11 to 15 years old.
I’m not here to tell you if what she did is right or wrong, we got religions for that, I’m here to tell to anyone that still part of this journey to don’t give up, life is a wheel and everything can change, sometime in one second, if you are going through a nightmare don’t despair it will change, sometime suddenly, if you are living heaven on Earth then enjoy it as much as possible cause it will pass too, focus in the present and leave past and future at home so that you can enjoy it fully.
This sentence is powerful, I can’t remember who said it:
“Pain is temporary, it can last a second, a hour, one year but if you give up it will last forever”
To the young girl that committed suicide yesterday I wish you to be in peace and to keep learning your life lessons.