I don’t know you but I Love/Hate you

By Alessandro Carosi

What we are doing on Earth?? My Soul is crying loud in search of answers, what this life is supposed to be or supposed to teach us powerful/powerless entity in disperate need of redemption and salvation, might be a school to learn about Love or maybe an evil game creates by lonely divinity killing time enjoying our misery short journey.

In a London night like in the past in San Benedetto, Perth, Auckland, Joetsu, Bangkok, Edinburgh I’m crying in a desperate need for answers, I like to believe they are within myself but tonight I’m tired and no one can fill up my necessity for a huge sign giving me the energy to move on in hope, I’m playing this game struggling day in, day out finding reasons to keep going aware that ending this Game earlier then the programmer devised for me would lead to a devastating chain effect to anyone close to me but how can I fill up my heart that want so much a meaningful relationship that I might already have and I’m missing again the chance to enjoy, how can I warm up my Soul giving a meaning to something that feel like daily is trying to knock me down, I had glimpse of something that is bigger then I could ever image but I’m left alone without the connection to an other world that I feel to be better then this, I want to scream and cry but tears are gone and that relief I’m searching from that aren’t coming, I want tp scream but no one will come to tell mr to don’t worry cause I’m an illusion called God playing to be a Human Being, I want to tell to someone I Love you but no one I feel to say it, I’m searching relief in dreams but I have been left alone from them too.

Tomorrow I will wake up feeling better and reenergised but tonight I’m angry against past lives connections that won’t leave me alone with this painful dilemma that is……are we meant to be? Memories of New Zealand coming back giving me a homesick feeling like I left my real home in this lifetime, I know is just emotions they aren’t real but I feel abandoned by Love, the Spirits, family, society and life, someone told me is tired to play the game, tonight I’m tired too but I have to play with this horrible sensations of IF there is something important I need to do but I’m unable to see, it’s hard thinking that you can’t run away when you can’t runaway from your emotions they are there regarding which country you decide to hide yourself.

Love won’t save me if I don’t find Love within but I can’t find inner peace too, where are you? Peace within?

I’m in pain and not only spiritually I’m in pain physically too but what can I do about? Nothing because everything and everyone is connected.

I Love you even if I don’t know you and I don’t even know why I keep saying it when I never fully understood that emotions, tomorrow will be good but tonight I need to rid of this dark heaviness in my Soul

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